2010

I like making lists. A lot. So I usually make a New Year's Resolutions list, and in the past, it's been mostly about self-dislike, and unhealthy. Things like "Lose 20 lbs" when I have no medical indications that my weight is inappropriate for my body. Or things like "Keep my living space clean enough for a spontaneous photo shoot" which mostly makes me feel guilty and miserable, and encourages me to define my self-worth on stupid external parameters, like what people think of my house, rather than what I think of my house, or better yet, what I accomplish in areas important to me. Not to mention that keeping the house that clean is time-consuming, tedious, frustrating, and boring. (Why yes, my house is on the market, how could you tell?) This year I'm going to try something a little different, by creating goals that reflect who I actually am, and what I actually care about, and not random societal holdovers from the imaginary 1950's.

1. Refuse to respond to my reflection or image with "I need to lose weight" or "why can't I be as slender as {insert whoever here}." There's a fair amount of evidence that a weight range is DNA determined, and you need to put in a ton of work to shift past those boundaries. I am only overweight based on an arbitrary BMI scale that fails to take into account pretty much anything, since it's meant for use over large populations, not individuals. As long as my body performs the tasks I need it to, I'm fine. I am going to pause every time my mind says "lose weight" and replace it with "I'm awesome."

2. Relearn bike riding (or, fietsen). This is more a necessity thing than a resolution, though, since bikes are a primary form of transportation in the Netherlands.

3. Have an entire conversation in Dutch. I realize that pretty much everyone in the Netherlands speaks English, but I think it's important to learn the language of the country one is living in. At least enough that I could chat about the weather. This is going to be tough, because my brain keeps trying to put Dutch in the same space as all the German I know, and I get mixed up. Learning a third language should be a very interesting challenge for me, and help strengthen my mind.

4. Avoid complacency. Now that I'm leaving, I'm shocked by how little I explored this city, and how few friends I made. Delightful as simply hanging out with R and the dogs is, I think I need more variety to keep myself entertained. I am going to seek out and embrace new experiences, because I only get one life and I don't want to waste it. Megan's tragic death this past summer really brought this one into focus for me. She only got 25 years, but I think she really made the most of them. Only with Megan could taking a friend to an airport or dyeing hair be epic adventures, and I think that's a lot of why everyone was so shocked when she was gone. In fact, thinking about Megan and trying to describe her (she was just so alive! how do you explain her to someone?) is what gave me the courage to apply for jobs all over the world, and to take this one even with an interview set up with a company that would have been a much safer, easier, and familiar pick. I realize that avoiding complacency will often lead to feeling awkward or uncomfortable, but it was worth it as a college freshman to combat shyness, and it will be worth it again to combat falling into a mold instead of making my own.

5. Procrastinate less. I don't like the procrastination-anxiety-exhaustion cycle, and I'm going to strive to break out of it more often.

6. Knit for 10 minutes every day. This is simply to ensure that I spend 10 minutes a day doing something exclusively for myself. Knitting is my creative outlet (at least, the only one I'm taking with me initially, because it takes up the least amount of space!) as well as soothing work, and creating something beautiful and useful out of yarn is very satisfying. In addition, I'm going to keep the cast-on projects down to 5 or fewer.

7. Take one picture every day. I'm still deciding if facebook or this blog will be a better way to keep me honest on that one. Maybe both. I didn't buy an awesome camera for nothing! I have practically no photos of the past two years, except for my wedding. Like this morning, I realized we took zero pictures at our party last night, even thought it's the best New Year's Eve party I've ever participated in, and my brand new camera was sitting right there!

Here's today's picture. I can't believe Quasar both held still and looked at the camera. Even his tail is in focus!