Photo Project

Because my camera takes ginourmous photos, and shrinking them down to blogger size is tedious, my photo project is now up at Picasa. I added a link to it in the sidebar, as well as a slide show made of that album. I think this is going to work out much better, because I won't have to fuss with the image sizes.

Living Space

Making some progress on paperwork, finally. Thanks in huge part to my future roommate, E, who took care of figuring out exactly what was needed and filled out the forms so all I had to do was sign them! Also thanks to R, who did all the printing/scanning because my computer's acting up and it's really really cold in the basement. I now have somewhere to live, just as soon as I can move! It's a three bedroom apartment, which I'll be sharing with two roommates. E is currently there, and another woman who will be moving out in March, so we'll be roommate hunting once I get there (or, if my departure is delayed, possibly sooner) to keep the rent nice and low.

When people say the Dutch tend towards bureaucracy, they aren't kidding. There were two forms to fill out/sign, which E took care of. Typically, proof of ending a previous lease is needed, but since I own my house, I had to send my mortgage info and a letter explaining I was in the process of selling. They also needed a passport scan and proof of employment. But it's all done and dealt with, so that's pretty awesome.

It's going to be weird adjusting to having so much less space. R and I could probably go an entire weekend without seeing each other and without leaving our house, if we tried. I'm actually kind of excited about it, because our house here seems so empty without furniture, and we simply hadn't filled it up yet because life got expensive. My car was totaled, we had wedding expenses, then the whole roof mess, then layoffs. And since I don't buy stuff I don't love, just to have it, and there's no IKEA (or similar cheap modern furniture) nearby, we just didn't have stuff. Which was fine, because just the two of us certainly don't need a ton of stuff. In fact, I'm finding that I prefer owning less, and doing more, if that makes sense. Why buy a dining room set for $1000 when I have a kitchen table already? I could instead use that money to take a weekend trip with R, or shop at the farmer's market and get delicious local produce instead of shopping at a chain store with flavourless tomatoes, or get season tickets at a theatre, or pay for half a cruise vacation. Or even put it towards R's master's degree (if he ever decides what degree to go back for) or to keep in savings as a comforting slush fund, just in case. I get so much more out of anything except the dining room table, and I'm grateful I bought this much-too-large house because otherwise I wouldn't have learned that. Looking at Dutch real estate, initially I was all panicky. How will I ever live in such a small space? Then I did some math, and really, R and I only actually use about 800 sq ft of space. We use either the living room or the basement, but certainly not the whole basement room, which is ginormous, the kitchen (but only the cooking side, not really the breakfast nook) and the master suite. Really, our bedroom could be 20 sq ft smaller and we wouldn't even notice. I've also found that while I thought for sure I'd need "my own space, to be alone" that that isn't the case at all. Even if we're doing totally separate things and not talking, I prefer that R and I are in the same room. This was true even when I was working, and not spending all day hanging out by myself. I married him because I enjoy his company, after all! So now I'm looking forward to having less space and less stuff. I'm also looking forward to the challenge of making a small space work in terms of furnishing and decor, although that won't be until we can find a house-ish living space.

Much as I love my little car, I am thrilled to be shifting to a car-free lifestyle. Which will only be possible because the new town is totally walkable and bikable. And while we may buy a car once R has a job there, the prevalence of public transport combined with high gas prices makes me think that's unlikely.

Even the dogs don't use the whole backyard, and would be perfectly fine with much less space. Especially since I'm moving somewhere that will be much more fun for walks. The path behind my house is lovely, but it gets boring to go in the same loop all the time. My new neighborhood/city will be much more walkable.

I will admit, however, that I will absolutely miss my glorious backyard, my trees, and the massive potential for oodles of flowers and vegetables. My apartment does have a patio, so I might try some small-space container gardening this summer.

Crisis Averted

Apparently, the water just wanted to be difficult, and turned itself back on the next day.

Now I have a new problem. My marriage certificate came back to me today, because apparently the address wasn't specific enough for the office it needs to go to. You know, the address that I copied directly from the Iowa Secretary of State's website. So there's an entire week wasted, since I now need to re-address, re-send, and then wait for it to get back. However, they are willing to change the date on my contract to whenever I get there, since we don't have a lot of control of the paperwork pace. But now that I have somewhere to live, and the holidays are over, and my initial unemployment filing is almost up, I just want to get there and get started on the new job. I hate waiting for this sort of thing. The move will be stressful, the time change will be hell, and leaving the dogs (R too, of course, but I have plenty of practice at that) is going to suck. I want to get all that over with, and just get going! I'm like that with good-byes too. Whenever R or I dropped the other off at an airport, it was very "Okay, have a good flight, love you, hugs, bye" and that was it. Dragging it out just makes me feel worse. Once there's a plan, even if it won't be pleasant, I want to get it going. This even happens in smaller things, like cleaning the house. If we've decided to clean, I want to get it started and blast through it. R much prefers easing into the idea, then cleaning a room, taking a break, cleaning another room, taking a break again, and it took some getting used to. I hate dragging out boring, tedious, or otherwise unpleasant things. Being unemployed, for example.

Now that I think about it, this is probably why the weeks before I got my layoff notice were so so so stressful. I was pretty sure I was getting laid off, everybody else's optimism to the contrary, and rather than dreading it, I really wanted to get it over with. My last few weeks at work were actually a lot more pleasant, because I knew they were the end, I wasn't stressed about deadlines (what are they going to do if I don't meet them?) and I was much more able to focus on what I was doing.

Who needs savings anyway?

Just because the visa paperwork chaos, trying to sell the house/car/furniture, and broken laptop power source weren't quite enough, we have no water to the house. There's no water coming in anywhere, at least, so there won't be another horrible sheetrock experience, but still. We waited all day (why yes, we were planning on doing dishes and laundry today) for the city water guy, who showed up at 9:18 PM. Twelve hours after we called, but who's counting? And it is Saturday. He took the meter apart, fussed around, threw fire in the ground, and determined that the city's end was working fine. Water is getting to the pipe that goes to our house, but not to our house. So hopefully tomorrow (Sunday! so probably not) but more likely Monday, we'll be summoning a plumber to figure out what's wrong, which will hopefully be cheap and fast to fix. Awesome.
Until the car sells, we don't really have a slush fund to cover major home repairs. And the car was supposed to be my moving slush fund, so that when I get to the Netherlands I can, for example, buy a bed. Not to mention that the plane tickets are going to be rather pricey, since I still don't have a visa and have 3 weeks until my theoretical work start date.
I might be a little frustrated.

Also, I feel really gross, and want to take a shower.

Apostille

This process is going to be interesting. I need an apostille stamp on my birth certificate and marriage certificate (which is pretty easy and straightforward) and a stamp on R's birth certificate, which I predict will be problematic. These stamps are issued by the state that issued the document, so I have to have a parental unit mail my birth certificate, and I have to mail my marriage certificate, to IA secretary of state's office. R, however, was born on a military base in Europe, so I'm not sure at all where his apostille stamp is supposed to come from. Also, I need this done super fast, because it'll apparently take about 3 weeks from when the Netherlands gets the documents until I get my visa, and I need to move there in 4. Awesome.

I can't imagine how people dealt with this before the internet, since I had no idea what an apostille was when I was told I needed it. 10 minutes with google, and I knew what it was, why it was important, and how to get it. Other than actually picking up my visa (this is going to be expensive, since I don't live near anywhere I can pick it up) this will be my last task stateside. There's a bunch of stuff I'll have to do when I get there, but I have a list for that already.

2010

I like making lists. A lot. So I usually make a New Year's Resolutions list, and in the past, it's been mostly about self-dislike, and unhealthy. Things like "Lose 20 lbs" when I have no medical indications that my weight is inappropriate for my body. Or things like "Keep my living space clean enough for a spontaneous photo shoot" which mostly makes me feel guilty and miserable, and encourages me to define my self-worth on stupid external parameters, like what people think of my house, rather than what I think of my house, or better yet, what I accomplish in areas important to me. Not to mention that keeping the house that clean is time-consuming, tedious, frustrating, and boring. (Why yes, my house is on the market, how could you tell?) This year I'm going to try something a little different, by creating goals that reflect who I actually am, and what I actually care about, and not random societal holdovers from the imaginary 1950's.

1. Refuse to respond to my reflection or image with "I need to lose weight" or "why can't I be as slender as {insert whoever here}." There's a fair amount of evidence that a weight range is DNA determined, and you need to put in a ton of work to shift past those boundaries. I am only overweight based on an arbitrary BMI scale that fails to take into account pretty much anything, since it's meant for use over large populations, not individuals. As long as my body performs the tasks I need it to, I'm fine. I am going to pause every time my mind says "lose weight" and replace it with "I'm awesome."

2. Relearn bike riding (or, fietsen). This is more a necessity thing than a resolution, though, since bikes are a primary form of transportation in the Netherlands.

3. Have an entire conversation in Dutch. I realize that pretty much everyone in the Netherlands speaks English, but I think it's important to learn the language of the country one is living in. At least enough that I could chat about the weather. This is going to be tough, because my brain keeps trying to put Dutch in the same space as all the German I know, and I get mixed up. Learning a third language should be a very interesting challenge for me, and help strengthen my mind.

4. Avoid complacency. Now that I'm leaving, I'm shocked by how little I explored this city, and how few friends I made. Delightful as simply hanging out with R and the dogs is, I think I need more variety to keep myself entertained. I am going to seek out and embrace new experiences, because I only get one life and I don't want to waste it. Megan's tragic death this past summer really brought this one into focus for me. She only got 25 years, but I think she really made the most of them. Only with Megan could taking a friend to an airport or dyeing hair be epic adventures, and I think that's a lot of why everyone was so shocked when she was gone. In fact, thinking about Megan and trying to describe her (she was just so alive! how do you explain her to someone?) is what gave me the courage to apply for jobs all over the world, and to take this one even with an interview set up with a company that would have been a much safer, easier, and familiar pick. I realize that avoiding complacency will often lead to feeling awkward or uncomfortable, but it was worth it as a college freshman to combat shyness, and it will be worth it again to combat falling into a mold instead of making my own.

5. Procrastinate less. I don't like the procrastination-anxiety-exhaustion cycle, and I'm going to strive to break out of it more often.

6. Knit for 10 minutes every day. This is simply to ensure that I spend 10 minutes a day doing something exclusively for myself. Knitting is my creative outlet (at least, the only one I'm taking with me initially, because it takes up the least amount of space!) as well as soothing work, and creating something beautiful and useful out of yarn is very satisfying. In addition, I'm going to keep the cast-on projects down to 5 or fewer.

7. Take one picture every day. I'm still deciding if facebook or this blog will be a better way to keep me honest on that one. Maybe both. I didn't buy an awesome camera for nothing! I have practically no photos of the past two years, except for my wedding. Like this morning, I realized we took zero pictures at our party last night, even thought it's the best New Year's Eve party I've ever participated in, and my brand new camera was sitting right there!

Here's today's picture. I can't believe Quasar both held still and looked at the camera. Even his tail is in focus!

In which apathy turns to motivation, somehow

Now that the house is (mostly) clean, and all the stuff is (mostly) sorted, and after the chaotic two weeks that resulted in this state; I cannot get motivated. Part of it is uncertainty; there are a lot of details regarding this move that can't be dealt with until all my immigration paperwork is done. I have no power or responsibility in the paperwork, as the university is taking care of it. This means that I have no deadlines, and no idea what stage it's at or how much longer it's likely to take. I tentatively have somewhere to live when I move, assuming I can move in January. Added to that is the uncertainty that we can't know when the house is going to sell. Hopefully very very soon, but it's the wrong time of year, and the economy isn't helping. We should have put it on the market as soon as I got laid off, I guess, but selling in the summer would have had it's own large list of problems.

Selling the car is my current anxiety. We need to be rid of it, as soon after the holidays as possible, so that we don't have to keep paying insurance on it. I'm barely driving it anywhere these days, and insuring a car that's just sitting in the garage seems pretty absurd. I have gotten response on the car, though, and the craigslist ad has only been up for a day, so that's looking a little more promising.

Mostly I think I'm exhausted. This past year and a half hasn't been what it was supposed to be at all. Buying a house shouldn't involve 6 months of potential lawsuits because the seller is a jerk. Starting a career shouldn't involve nonstop worrying about layoffs. My old car shouldn't have been totaled, and the first year of marriage shouldn't be this unhappy. Luckily, R and I deal well with adversity, so all this insanity hasn't damaged our relationship. I do feel cheated, though, of the "honeymoon" phase most of my recently married friends seemed to enjoy. We didn't get any time to simply enjoy being us, because within a month of R moving here, the car was totaled and we were dealing with the $6k debt left to us by the seller, and by the time all that was taken care of, my company was up to layoff round number 4, and I was feeling constantly doomed. I planned 4 separate honeymoons, and we didn't get to take any of them, because bad stuff kept happening.

At the same time, it feel ridiculous to complain, because my bad stuff is so middle-class American. I haven't ever worried about putting food on the table, or having to drop my dogs at a shelter, or wondering if I can run the heat today. I don't have to worry about local violence, or running out of water, or whether the people I care about will survive the winter. I'm moving across the ocean for an amazing opportunity (and also health care! and public transportation! and no more expectation of putting in unpaid overtime!) to further my education, broaden my career opportunities, experience living in a different culture from my own, and to travel. A lot of travel. I totally wouldn't have this opportunity if I hadn't been laid off, so I hope it's worth all the stress.

It was also nice to be able to sit down and think about where I really want my life to go. Without this past year, I don't think I'd be so sure that going back to school is absolutely what I want to do. It took several months of applying to all sorts of jobs and schools before I figured it out, and my experience as an industry engineer was certainly very helpful in that. I liked industry, but I love studenthood. I realize I can't be a student forever, since I'm not the child of multi-millionaires, but I do appreciate that at least for the next 4 years, I can be a student again.

Assuming I can get everything ready in time. I think I'll go vacuum the car.

Selling the House

I hate moving. Passionately. I don't usually waste a lot of energy on anger and hatred, for a couple reasons. I really don't like feeling angry. It's exhausting, it's uncomfortable, and I just don't like it. Some people get a (competitive? energizing? useful?) boost from anger, but I just get worn out. I can feel my brain working differently when I'm angry*. I grew up in a very non-angry household. There were no parent-teenager screaming matches. If my parents have ever had a fight beyond mild disagreement I certainly don't know about it. I am curious as to whether this is genetically influenced. On top of that, I'm highly trained in a field where anger doesn't really make sense. How do you get angry at a mass of air moving how it moves, even if that movement is different from your prediction? The laws of physics are consistent, and I think that's what makes anger so alien to my work. If you spend your day dealing with people, or animals, or plants, or electronics, you will get frustrated by inconsistency more than anything else, I think. Why did the client have to change what they wanted right before the deadline, why are the plants over here fine but those ones dead, and why does this application run on every computer except mine? I don't have that problem. Gravity's always there, and so is friction. Momentum is conserved, as long as the system is closed. Etc.

But anyway. I do hate moving. A lot. I really like the process of going through everything and getting rid of stuff, which I associate with moving, but which most people call "organizing the closet" or perhaps "spring cleaning." I haven't lived in once place for long enough recently for either of those activities. But the actual packing is horrible. Getting the entire house showable is worse. Housekeeping is not one of my strengths, because it is boring, repetitive, boring, never-ending, boring, not rewarding, and did I mention boring enough yet? I can happily cut lovely large pieces of fabric into little pieces and sew them back together, or loop yarn around itself for hours. These processes can be tedious, and repetitive, and even boring. Sometimes they are spectacularly frustrating. There are three big differences between quilting (or knitting, or sewing, or even gardening) and cleaning for me. The first is that I can multitask better. I can't watch tv while cleaning the first or second floors of my house, I can't listen to music while vaccuuming because I barely tolerate the vaccum's noise level, and I certainly can't enjoy lovely weather while cleaning. The second is the materials. I get a great deal of sensory happiness out of pretty fabric, soft yarn, and good soil. I do not get this out of cleaning chemicals or rubber gloves. Cleansers aren't pretty, they aren't soft, or crumbly, or fun, and they don't smell good. My third reason is the reward. If I'm quilting or sewing or knitting, I get to watch a project grow from bits of fabric or a ball of yarn into something tangible. I end up with a quilt, or a purse, or a scarf. And then the project is over, and I feel like I've accomplished something. If I'm gardening, I watch seeds, dirt, and water turn into food. I can see a bed of flowers turn into a butterfly haven, or eat tomatoes straight off the vine. I don't know that this falls into accomplishment, exactly, but it's immensely satisfying. And looking at all my lovely canned tomatoes makes me pretty happy. You don't get rewarded like this when cleaning. By the time the kitchen is sparkling (as sparkling as those hideous old countertops can get, that is) it's time to make another meal. Quasar can shed new hair onto the clean floor when I'm still vacuuming that room. The puppy toys and video game controllers stay in their bins for almost enough time to vacuum the basement. Papers get filed just in time for the mail to arrive with new bills, and you can't ever get rid of all the dust. My ugly entrance tile is just as ugly clean as it is dirty, and the bathroom countertops look dirty even when they're clean. I never get the relaxing feeling of amazing, spotless, and perfect surroundings. All the cleaning is like my own personal heck (not as bad as a hell, certainly, but not neutral either) and I get to hang out in it while trying to pack.

Packing is pretty interesting. See, I can't get an apartment until my work visa paperwork is done. I've found a temporary roommate situation that looks good, and is inexpensive, and would let me get to know a couple people while looking around the city for a more permanent abode. The things I'll have to take if I'm moving into a third bedroom of an inhabited apartment are different from what I'll need if living by myself. Then there's figuring out what R needs here before he moves, and what to do if we need the same stuff. Plus the issue of suitcase space and weight. What will fit? How do I tell without packing it all? Is it worth it to pack my clothes now to figure it out? What will I want sent to me first? Does it all fit in one box? Why do we have so many books, and how can I think of leaving them behind?!?!?!? How can I leave my scrapbooks, but how can I take them? This kind of moving is very complicated, and trying to pack everything up or get rid of it while cleaning the entire house is horrible. We spent hours tonight that should have resulted in a clean second floor doing laundry, putting new sheets on the bed, moving boxes from upstairs to downstairs, vacuuming the ceiling (it made a very visible difference, and we aren't crazy, I promise) and sorting through jewelry to get it off the counter. One shouldn't leave one's jewelry out when strangers are walking through the house.

I feel like we're getting nowhere fast, but we keep doing things that have to be done in order to have the house walk-through ready. It's tedious, boring, frustrating, and I hate it.

*Remember, my career path is very thinking-intensive. When explaining my former job to the non-technologically-inclined, I summarized with "I'm paid to think." I'm very sensitive to (perceived) changes in how my brain is working. I once gave up caffeine, got over the physical addiciton, and realized that I don't like how my thinking feels without it. My brain works better when caffeinated, unless it is also very very very sleep-deprived. If no caffeine is walking though ankle-deep mud, then caffeine is like walking over pavement. Everything is sharper, quicker, and easier. Exhaustion is more like trudging through dense fog, and anger is like trying to decide which way to go. I don't like it when my brain works awkwardly. This, combined with my very high natural alcohol tolerance, is why I've never been beyond slightly buzzed. It is probably also why I have zero desire to ever try out other consciousness changing substances.

Defying Gravity

I've been sorting through a lot of stuff that I've moved from one place to another without really thinking about it. All kinds of things, like high school newspapers, terrible film-camera photos that don't actually capture anything (tons of these from jr high dances, since we were all camera-shy back then) and just a lot of paper. Random notes I didn't think I should part with. Random ugly knickknacks that induce memories, but the same memories as other things like photos. Just a lot of stuff about my past. All of it from high school or earlier, because in college, I had a digital camera and a scanner. Also, I moved every 8 months and that's the best way I know of to become an anti-pack-rat.
I've had a great time looking through everything, trying to figure out when/who/where, and smiling at the awkwardness of the photos, and giggling hysterically at some of the notes written and the problems faced. "OMG I like these two boys, and everyone says I should date X, but I think Y likes me better and this is the biggest problem ever faced in my 13 years of life what do I do?" Only we didn't use OMG in junior high. I've even cried over notes and photos of classmates whoe've died. I created a small pile of the photos of recognizable people, the photos that aren't too fuzzy, too dark, too "we're all hiding behind our hands because we're so HIDEOUS" to add to my scrapbooks. I've kept two notes to give back to the writer if I can find her this xmas, because I know she'll laugh at them as much as I did. I kept a couple newspaper mentions of myself and close friends.

And then I threw out everything else.

It felt amazing, like letting go of a whole persona that didn't fit me any more. I feel like I've removed unneeded baggage, stuff that no longer matters to who I am, and just let it go. I've kept things that relate to people who matter now, and events that mattered then, and the rest of it is gone. I feel lighter now, and more ready to take on the crazy path ahead, both because I've reviewed the path behind, and I've rejected the dead ends. They were there, I learned from them, but I don't need to keep revisiting them, to make sure they're still dead ends. I'm terrible at letting go, but I'm trying to do it more, because you can only drag so much around with you.


That feeling of letting go of the familiar, but unsatisfactory, paths and embracing uncertainty on a promising (but unknown) road is why I'm still thrilled about moving. It's also the feeling that motivated me to start this blog. It's definitely what made my final title choice. I played with all sorts of ideas, from nerdy to nonsensical. I picked the defying gravity theme for a couple reasons.

1. Singing the song "Defying Gravity" from Wicked has been immensely helpful in picking myself back up after getting laid off. Even though I knew the layoff was nothing personal, and based on economic crisis beyond my control, and it's pretty amazing I stayed as long as I did considering how recently I entered the job market, it's still pretty disheartening to be told in your first year of real-world work that you're done, thanks, buh-bye. "Defying Gravity" is upbeat, and all about pushing boundaries and striving and that even though you could fail, if you don't try you won't know if you could do it, which is pretty much the best antidote to a layoff ever. It reminded me that even if I only got to work in KS for a year, I proved to myself that I could handle it. That's pretty awesome.

2. Aerodynamics became a major field of study in part because people wanted to fly. Without aerodynamics, there cannot be airplanes. Creating something that can GLIDE without knowing what you're doing is easy, but sustained flight is something completely different.

3. I can't believe I'm doing this. In high school, I was the shyest of the shy. In college I reinvented myself somewhat, increasing my confidence and learning to love social events and meeting people. Now I'm moving to a new country, that I've never seen, to work with people I've never met. I've talked on the phone to the profs who will be my bosses, but I haven't even emailed the post-doc or the other PhD student. And since R will be staying in KS until our home sells, I'm moving there by myself. If you had said to high school me "So in a few years you should apply to and accept a PhD position in the Netherlands" she would have been too nervous to say anything, but would have thought something like "sure, when pigs fly." I think high school me would have found defying gravity easier than moving so far. Current me is ecstatic, and thinks that meeting a bunch of new people, learning a new language, and living in a new country is crazy awesome. But I'm still a little surprised I was gutsy enough to even try for it.

I have learned to love adventure, to enjoy pushing out past my comfort zone, and to try new things without fearing failure. I still try to avoid failure, because it's never fun, but I'm working very hard at not fearing it.

I used to resent certain people for doing what I wanted to do, and acting how I saw myself inside but was afraid to be outside. Now I'm becoming who I've always felt like, but been afraid of. And that makes me feel so much lighter.

Sleep

So I've been tending to sleep really oddly lately. I attribute this to three things; stress, lack of effort, and lack of reason to get up in the morning.

I think the stress of being jobless and my natural inability to sleep if I'm not *really* tired started the problem, and it was compounded by being able to sleep in as long as I needed to. I've had intermittant trouble falling asleep since forever, I think. According to the internet, that's Initial Stage Insomnia and it can be brought about by a bunch of different things, including stress and anxiety. I do know that if I'm worried about something, ESPECIALLY if it's something I have no control over, I will think and think and think about it when I should be sleeping. This is frustrating when facing layoffs, say, or when jobless and looking at a broken economy and a very broken industry. I'm pretty sure almost everyone has occasional nights like that though, so I think was makes my problem insomnia is the second reason.

I seem to have a set amount of effort I need to use up between sleep cycles. This effort can be mental (intellectual might be a better word) or physical, but not emotional. In fact, the more exhausting my emotional state, the more likely I am to stay awake worrying at it. It's sort of like a piston doing work, actually. Given a certain amount of fuel (previous night's sleep) in the combustion chamber, the piston MUST move a certain distance, producing work, where the factors are the weight of the piston and the pressure of whatever's on the other side of it. It's like the mental effort is the work and physical effort is the outside pressure. So a lot of physical exertion will lower the amount of mental work I have to do, but can never totally substitute for it. I guess that makes emotional work equivalent to increasing the efficiency of the fuel burn, making the piston do more work. Unfortunately for me, job hunting requires little physical effort, and the intellectual effort of finding things is canceled out by the emotional work of believing you will find something. Housework requires minimal physical effort, but no mental exertion whatsoever. I think this lack of mental effort explains my current preference of nonfiction for light reading. Or creating elaborate spreadsheets. Or doing math for no reason other than entertaining myself. So I haven't been using up my sleep-fuel at my normal rate, leading to staying awake for longer periods of time between sleeping.

An obvious way to eneable myself to sleep would be to limit the amount of sleep I get, only partially fueling my engine. That's where the last issue comes to play. If I don't have anything to get up for, except to feel tired all day so I can fall asleep at a "reasonable" hour, I'm not going to. So I get totally refueled, only later in the day, so I fall asleep even later, and the cycle gets absurd pretty darn quickly. Eventually I hit an all-nighter, which lets me fall asleep at a normal hour, and I reset the weird sleep patterns. At this point, I'm wondering if just sleeping intuitively and ignoring what the clock says might be the best way to go. After all, there's nothing intrinsically better about being awake during the day and asleep at night. It made more sense pre-electricity, sure, but at this point, I'm not convinced it really matters.

If I'm really lucky, I'll be on Delft time when I fly over there, and then the effort of dealing with a new place, new people, and a new language plus moving and starting my new job should let me reset to a normal sleep schedule, with less jet lag than I'd otherwise experience. That would be kind of awesome, actually.

If physical effort were enough, I would have crashed at 8PM last night. R and I have moved the elliptical, two couches, and a queen sized mattress. We've also cleaned the kitchen, master bedroom, guest bedroom, and basement, and have made significant progress on packing up the office. And here it is, 6AM, and my eyes are a little dry but my mind is still bouncing around. I envy R so much right now. He decides it's time for bed, his head hits the pillow, and he's asleep. I have never experienced that. I can fall asleep immediately if I'm exhausted, or sick, but that's it. I can't just say "it's midnight, and to maintain a schedule similar to most people here I need to sleep now" and then fall asleep. I have to say "it's midnight, and today I learned how to program in BASIC, so I could write an app to analyze data, which I analyzed, and then I came home and did stuff and now I'm tired" before I can fall asleep.

Immigration; Part 1

Scan passport and email image to immigration coordinator.

This was a pretty easy step. There was some trouble with remembering to use the scanner software, but I got it figured out. Why are there "scan" buttons on scanners that don't work unless the computer has the software open, and the user chooses to scan via the software? All the "scan" button does is send an error message to the little scanner screen. You don't even use it to photocopy; for that there's a separate "copy" button. Redundancy is only worthwhile if both methods perform the task. The "scan" button is pretend redundancy.

I hope nobody's confused when they see my high school passport photo. My hair was about 30 inches longer and my glasses were way less awesome. It's amazing how haircut and glasses can totally change a person's face. My hair was a different color (possibly the natural one?) too, but since the passport has translucent blue over the whole photo, I expect that's insignificant.

Let's try this again; Career Version 2.0

A new career move calls for a new blog, I think. For those who don't know (although I doubt many strangers will find this blog compelling) I have a new job, 5 months after being laid off. My new job is in a new country, which I think will help me stay motivated to write this one. My life in Kansas generally wasn't exciting enough to make posting worthwhile, especially since my job, where I spent the vast majority of my waking hours, was incomprehensible to anyone who hasn't had to deal with math and government paperwork simultaneously. Not to mention most of it was company confidential, since I was on a development project. And you have to admit, daily posts of "I went to work, came home, played with the dogs, spent time with R, and went to bed" is pretty boring, even for an "I ate cereal" style blog.
This one might turn into that as well, but if nothing else, I'll start a 365 photo project as soon as I find my camera. This blog will also serve to track my progress with immigration paperwork, house selling, possession disposal, and all the other details of moving across the Atlantic in 2.5 months. While that information might not interest anyone else, it'll be helpful for me to have a record of it, I think.
I'm planning to play with semi-anonymity on this one, because I imagine I'll be a lot more stalkable in a country where my name isn't so ubiquitous. I'm not sure if I'll keep it up or not, but you can't switch to anonymity after you've broken it, so I'm starting out that way.